Wow, teeter-totter!

I'm reading and learning and processing (and processing, and processing) and I've gone from euphoria, to satisfied, to depressed.  I keep having trouble with the negatives niggling their way in.  Also, it's hard for me to self-direct to peaceful, quiet, introspection when there are so many external things hollering at me.  I try by turning off the radio, or the tv, and going longer with ambient sounds.  But I still can't seem to discipline myself to the medatitive state.  I know now that the meditative state, if for no other reason than a venue to better absorb the information, is essential.  No....I need a word that's stronger than essential, and since I reached a certain age, choosing the best word from the five that apply isn't happening.  My hard drive (mind) has maxed out and I'm droping words, documents and files all over the place.  Maybe, if I can acheve an expansion of my consciousness, I'll find them again and have a place to put them back!