Making headway, sort of

I missed a couple of days, which has been--in the past--normal for me.  I'm going to try not to do that again, starting with this.

One thing I've found out already:  It's hard to do the things I'm supposed to do.  I should probably spend every waking minute re-adjusting myself.  Thank goodness for books on CD because I can put one in no matter where I'm working and, hopefully, subliminaly absorb pertinent things.

One thing that's changed since my first post is my husband, (I'll just call him "J").  I was listening to the 2nd disk of "The Secret" when he came home last night and got him to sit down and listen while I replayed it. 

He's really struggling with feeling entitled to anything, and definitely dwelling on the money part.  His comment about believing and acting as if you already had the money you wanted or needed was "what if you don't get the money?", which is negating it all because--obviously--he's not really believing. 

This may not seem important, BUT, he's been among the living dead for so long (depression and self-defeating thoughts) that it was almost a miracle when he actually listened and discussed the points with me. and to listen to him start a paradigm shift.  It was a tiny shift, but tiny shifts sometimes bring big changes.

Listening to the cd's and reading the books, I recognize many of my behaviors or traits as self-defeating, and blocking my way to what I really want.  What's really sad about that is that I'm constantly telling nay-sayers that the word "can't" doesn't exist.  Or if it does, it's just another way of saying "I don't want to try."  Saying or thinking "can't" puts up roadblocks against succeeding.  I succeed in practicing what I preach about 70% of the time. (I use to think it was 100% until I started this journey).   I am adamant that if something needs to be done, and it can't be done one way, it can be done another way, or another way, somehow.

And in my personal life many times I've taken a deep breath and tried something I could have said "can't" to.  Like the time my friend loaned me his race car to enter an amateur powderpuff race.  I thought I was doing good until I ended up wwwwwaaaaaayyyy back in the pack for the feature.  Then a friend who was also in the race--but a lot of cars ahead of me--said "well, at least I don't have to worry about you."  I had a goal!  (maybe that's the whole key)  Anyway, while I was passing her, I ended up passing all but one of the other drivers to end the race in 2nd place!

Another time I started a new job and the group was going bungee jumping that weekend and I kinda had to say yes when they invited me.  Okay, it took lots of false starts and about a half-hour for me to get down but I DID GET DOWN, saying "oh, s***" all the way.

Anyway, despite a lot of successess, despite my admonitions to others, I've found I "can't" myself an awful lot.  Boy do I need this stuff.  If for no other reason than I come out of it with a stronger sense of self.

Tomorrow I'm going to start working on my "possibilities" book.  Make that my "shopping list" because I have to act and believe as if the things in it are already mine.  I'm mentally building my dream house.  I've been online to create and customize my car, and I've got a bucket list I'm going to add not as a "want to do" but a "going to do."  Tomorrow I'm going to put my bucket list on here so I can have it in front of me at least once a day.  And add to it as things start rolling.

Things will happen.  As I believe they are, and doubts pop up, I just have to remember the "order(s)" I've placed and wait for the delivery.  I've never doubted UPS.  Why should I doubt the universe?